


I can't allow tht, or can I...?

by Laila_2802



Category: Mary Poppins (Movies), mary poppins - Fandom
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluffy Ending, Getting Together, Insecure Jack (Mary Poppins), Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Mutual Pining, drunk Michael Banks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:54:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23652682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laila_2802/pseuds/Laila_2802
Summary: Jack loves Michael but is his love returned?Jack thinks not but Jane has a other opinion.It's a older story that I wrote on Wattpad.
Relationships: Michael Banks/Jack
Kudos: 9





	I can't allow tht, or can I...?

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe it's a bit dramatic but I like it, really hope you do too.

"I love you~", he said, while clinging to my arm, "Please~"  
I shook my head, no I couldn't allow that, under no circumstances. Even if it hurts me to see him like that.  
It hurts me greatly, knowing that I do love him, too.  
But like I said, that will not happen.

I always dreamed of this moment.  
Having the first love of my live confessing to me. But it isn't real, his wife died three year ago and he's drunk, he's just looking to be held by someone, feel warm again. But if I give him that it would break my heart and possible his, too. I couldn't allow that.

I tried hard to avoid any possibility to confess my feeling for him. Even started a relationship, with his sister, yeah great plan, worked perfectly. Not. Absolutely not.  
Jane, the wonderful woman she is, had known it from the beginning. She talked to me, saying that I should confess my undying love to her brother, Michael. I know that I broke her heart, but she found someone else, someone better, someone who treats her right, not me. She's supporting me, and I'm so grateful to have her by my side in this.

"No", I shook my head, "You are drunk, you can't think straight."  
It wasn't a nice thing to come in and see him like that, totally wasted and sobbing, muttering nonsense no-one except him could understand. I wanted to help him get in his bed, sleep everything out, but i didn't get far and now we are here.  
Here, leaning on the wall for better balance.  
Here, with him clinging to me.  
Here, with my heart crushing.  
Or, here, the best and worst place I could be right now.

The three beautiful and cute little Banks children are out in the park and staying over at some friends of theires. They've grown a lot over the last two years. Precious they are indeed. I love them like my own family.

Jane should come over in a few hours. Maybe she could help me. I really hope she does, because even if I know a way out of everything and a way to make everything better, I really suck at every love related thing.  
The only thing I know for sure is that I love Michael and that he doesn't love me. I mean why would he? I'm no-one important. And he, he deserves someone who can give him the word. I would love to do that, but I'm not qualified enough for that.  
And even if I were, which I'm not, like I said, he doesn't love me.  
And I know that, I have known that for years, and it will not change just because he confessed to me in a very drunken state. I will not allow my hopes to grow, they will only be crushed anyways.

~•~

Two hours later I sucsessfully brought Michael to his bed and he is now sound asleep.  
Meanwhile I set up tea for me and Jane to drink when she comes over.

Speaking of the devil, this moment I hear a knock on the door. Happily I went to open the door to a slightly confused Jane.  
"Where is Michael?", she asked first without even saying hello or something.  
"Good day to you, too dear Jane", I said instead of answering her. I would rather not talk about the person my heart belongs to.  
She roles her eyes and then smiles at me. I step aside so she can come in, which she does.  
After she hung her out clothes she went in to hug me, which I happily returned. I needed that right now, that's why I didn't let go for a few minutes. I just wanted to feel a little bit of familiar warmth.  
When we let go she had a confused but worried look on her face.  
"What's wrong Jack?", she asked concerned. I wanted to answer her, I really did but I just couldn't.  
I couldn't holt it in anymore, my heart just hurts so much I couldn't bear it anymore.

"Why does it hurt so much? I just can't stand it anymore, I want it to end, please end it, please.", I plead, my voice full of hurt, "I can't do that anymore."  
With that I break, I fall down to my knees, not having the power to stand anymore and Jane couldn't hold me, I hug her tightly and press my face in her neck. My tears, that continuesly stream down my face, soak her shirt, but she doesn't mind, she just holds me and strokes my back soothingly.  
"What did i ever do to deserve this? This? Nothing! It's nothing, nothing I have and nothing I deserve. WHY?", I scream my throat sore and my lungs hurt. I know I shock Jane but at this moment I couldn't care less. I feel too sorry about myself right now.  
"I never did anything wrong, so why? I always give everything to everyone, why don't I get something back? Just a little bit, just a bit of the love I give I want back. Please, please let me have this." I continue to scream and cry till I couldn't even understand my own word and my throat hurt, but not nearly as much as my heart does.  
"Am I this worthless?", is my last pathetic question. Of course I don't receive any answer from Jane, I really don't want any, I already know the answer would be yes, what else would it be?

~•~

At some point after or while my breakdown I must fell asleep, because now I wake up in an unfamiliar but somehow familiar bed. I know this bed, it's the same bed I put Michael in, and when I breath in deep enough I can smell his scent.  
I don't want to ever get up. It's the paradise here.  
But of course it has to end as someone knokes on the door, my only answer is a tired growl. The door opens and Ellen walkes in.  
"Jack, sir, you might want to get downstairs", she said with a grin on her face.  
Nothing better to do, that laying in bed surrounded by this beautiful smell, I get up and go downstairs.  
A conflict inside of me, the one side knows it's about Michael and doesn't want to get hurt more, the other side is way more curious. So I walk down and stop by the door as I hear voices. The one is obviously Jane and the other is Michael.  
Jane sounds a bit angry but also concerned, a strange mix.  
Michael sounds genuinely hurt. Which in return hurt me.  
I go a bit closer so I can actually hear what they are saying.  
"You can't continue that", I hear Jane say followed by a sigh, probably from Micheal.  
"I know. I really don't want to hurt him. But if I tell him I might lose him.", Michaels voice sounds hurt, I really want to hug him. I can only guess, and hope, it is about me. After he spoke I hear a loud smack. I jump at that sound, did she just slap him?  
"Did you not hear what I just told you? I said he defenetly is head over heels for you! Trust me, I know that.", after that I hear a little whimper. He is so hurt right now, I want to hug him.   
Deciding that now is totally the wrong moment to step in, I do exactly that.

"Jack?", I hear the shocked voice from Michael, "How long have you been here?"  
Just as I wanted to answer, Jane stands up and says the will leave us alone to figure us out, 'finally'.  
"I.. uh", like I said I am helpless when it comes to him, or love. "Is it... Is it true what you said, about... Loving..... Me"  
'Till the end by voice gets more quiet. I'm shy and afraid of rejection.  
He stands up and walks slowly to me, "Yes", he said in his most calm tone, "It is true. I never wanted to tell you in fear of rejection, but it is to late anyway so, yes it is true, I really love you Jack. I have for quite a while now and it hurted me when you started a relationship with Jane, but I figured I should be happy for you. I tried, I really did but I was so relieved when things cut off between the two of you. I never knew why your relationship didn't last but Jane told me. I mean she told me that you love me and I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do. I'm so sorry for everything."  
There I stood, totally shocked and bot able to do anything. I'm a grown Man, why can't I say something?  
"Why are you sorry?", I then asked. I could have done better, I could have told him I love him, too but no I just asked that.  
Michael came a step forward and cupped my cheeks with his hands, that feels so good. "Because I hurt you. Don't act like it isn't true. I saw your breakdown you had earlier", with that my cheeks turned a little red, why did he have to see that? "I didn't know why you broke down untill Jane explained it to me. And I'm so sorry I brought you so much pain.", I see the hurt in his eyes.  
I closed my eyes and leaned forward, smoothly I captured his lips with mine. They are as soft and warm as they look. It was a shy kiss, which I broke just a few moments later. Carefully opening my eyes I look directly into his.  
"I love you, too. So much I just can't describe it. I never thought you would return my feelings. I never thought I was worth that.", I didn't mean to say that but the look he gives me, makes me believe that it wasn't bad.  
"You are totally worth it! You deserve everything and I really hope I can give you that. If you want to"  
Of course I want, so I just kiss him again. I could get addicted to his kisses.  
"Of course I want!", I say between two kisses.  
This is the happyest I have ever been and it because of him.

Maybe, just maybe I can allow that to happen.


End file.
